Descending Road - I WANT TO KNOW WHO IT IS by Dana W. Paxson

I WANT TO KNOW WHO IT IS

1563 4D

Jeddin sat against the wall. Andrew and Leil stood in front of him, all of them staring at the pulsing gray creature blocking the street an arm’s length away. A ceiling lamp just beyond the huge body shone through its translucence, illuminating streamers of pale orange and rose that coruscated dimly under the skinlike membrane. Bits of street litter stuck to the surface and hung partly embedded in it; Andrew spotted two coins, some soiled red and white weave, bits of rock and smudges of dust. The air smelled sharp and pungent, tasting of explosives and rotted fruit. Deep inside Andrew, speaking as if to someone else, Turiosten said again, Who are you?

A bulge appeared in the gray membrane near the floor, close to Jeddin‘s left foot. It surged forward, stretching into a thick cylinder. Jeddin drew his foot back. No, Turiosten said to Andrew. It wants to see what he is. I’ll tell him. It’s like one of us, but—

Jeddin stopped retreating. He bent down and extended his right hand to the lengthening bulge. “Pull me away if I stop talking to you,” he muttered to Andrew. Andrew took Jeddin‘s left hand, motioning Leil back. The bulge met Jeddin‘s fingertips and flowed over his hand. He stiffened, then relaxed and said, “Andrew, it’s all right, she’s–” He froze again.

“Jeddin. Jeddin!” Andrew said. He pulled, hard, at Jeddin‘s arm: frozen as if in stone. He dug in his feet. “Leil, help me get him loose!” Afraid of pulling Jeddin‘s arm from its socket, he yanked as hard as he dared. “Leil! For bloodsake! Come help me!” Still pulling, he looked behind him. She stood braced against the wall, her eyes closed. The creature’s plasm flowed up Jeddin‘s arm now, soaking and penetrating his coverall as he crouched immobile. The gray wall moved closer. The smell grew to a hot putrescence of rotted spice.

No. Leave him alone. It’ll be all right.

“Leave me alone.” Andrew pulled with all his strength, trying to get Jeddin‘s feet to move. Nothing. Now a hand’s length from Jeddin‘s face, the wall of plasm closed in. In a moment it would engulf him and threaten Andrew and Leil. Andrew let go and retreated to join Leil.

He’ll be all right. Let it go.

Andrew sputtered, “What other choice is there?” The creature slowly passed around and through Jeddin like a filthy mist, consuming him, until the man’s pale skin showed only as a soft glow against a dark angular blob of coverall deep in the tissue shifting like clear hot wax. Andrew closed his eyes, turned his back, and pulled Leil away along the dim corridor, away from the huge malignant thing behind them, away past gaping blacknesses of voided chambers and corridors, away from the voice protesting inside him.

No, no, don’t leave, he’s all right. I want to know what it is, who it is, it’s like me.

“And it’s acting just like you, too, only worse. If only I could burn you out of me, I would, I’d get a beamer and I’d make myself a pile of ashes just to get you out of me. I don’t care any more.” Leil stumbled and fell on hands and knees, to look up at Andrew with eyes huge and hollow with agony and exhaustion.

He stopped and stared at her. This young one staring up at him, grimacing in pain, was named Leil. Leil. His hand went to her shoulder.

“Leil. Do you know me?” The air shuddered behind him; he looked back in apprehension. The creature, Onnashak, seemed to be holding still.

Leil searched his face with her eyes. She looked down. “No. I thought you were Andrew. But it doesn’t matter now, not any more. Not any more. I was somebody else and then I burned and then I’m in this place, this hell where my name is still Leil but nothing works and things come in and out of me and my name is still Leil but that’s all.” She sat on the dead street in ash-gray light, tears spangling her coverall.

Now her voice came soft and firm. “I want to die now, again, and not come back here.”

A soft bass thrum came like a giant boulder rolling slowly nearer down a long slope of hard earth. Andrew looked up. Onnashak advanced. Suspended deep inside its plasm, a dark mass slowly rotated. Jeddin.

Andrew took a deep breath. Here it was, at last. Leil had it right. He gathered her in his arms as the thing pushed its wall toward them. Deeper inside it, catching the filtered glow of the ceiling lamps, two other smeared clumps spread streamers beyond Jeddin‘s form. Probably dead.

Turiosten said, I’m glad you’re being sensible. This is the best way.

“Shut up. I’d like these last few moments for myself.”

But you don’t understand—

“SHUT UP.” Leil‘s warmth touched Andrew for a moment, and he closed his eyes and wished her to be his again, his wife and mother of his children and lover, wished until the hot stench of peppers and vomit and attar like green knives assailed him, wished until heat seized his clenching arms and his head and his legs and his body and swallowed him into sullen molten sleep.

Story List	SURPRISE ME	Author Page
USER SURVEY	PUZZLE ME	MAKE ELM MARK

HOVER Lucida Bright BARE	HOVER Lucida Bright FULL	HOVER Palatino Linotype BARE
HOVER Palatino Linotype FULL	HOVER Times New Roman BARE	HOVER Times New Roman FULL
PAD Arial BARE	PAD Arial FULL	PAD Lucida Bright BARE
PAD Lucida Bright FULL	PAD Times New Roman BARE	PAD Times New Roman FULL


	I WANT TO KNOW WHO IT IS 1563 4D Jeddin sat against the wall. Andrew and Leil stood in front of him, all of them staring at the pulsing gray creature blocking the street an arm’s length away. A ceiling lamp just beyond the huge body shone through its translucence, illuminating streamers of pale orange and rose that coruscated dimly under the skinlike membrane. Bits of street litter stuck to the surface and hung partly embedded in it; Andrew spotted two coins, some soiled red and white weave, bits of rock and smudges of dust. The air smelled sharp and pungent, tasting of explosives and rotted fruit. Deep inside Andrew, speaking as if to someone else, Turiosten said again, Who are you? A bulge appeared in the gray membrane near the floor, close to Jeddin‘s left foot. It surged forward, stretching into a thick cylinder. Jeddin drew his foot back. No, Turiosten said to Andrew. It wants to see what he is. I’ll tell him. It’s like one of us, but— Jeddin stopped retreating. He bent down and extended his right hand to the lengthening bulge. “Pull me away if I stop talking to you,” he muttered to Andrew. Andrew took Jeddin‘s left hand, motioning Leil back. The bulge met Jeddin‘s fingertips and flowed over his hand. He stiffened, then relaxed and said, “Andrew, it’s all right, she’s–” He froze again. “Jeddin. Jeddin!” Andrew said. He pulled, hard, at Jeddin‘s arm: frozen as if in stone. He dug in his feet. “Leil, help me get him loose!” Afraid of pulling Jeddin‘s arm from its socket, he yanked as hard as he dared. “Leil! For bloodsake! Come help me!” Still pulling, he looked behind him. She stood braced against the wall, her eyes closed. The creature’s plasm flowed up Jeddin‘s arm now, soaking and penetrating his coverall as he crouched immobile. The gray wall moved closer. The smell grew to a hot putrescence of rotted spice. No. Leave him alone. It’ll be all right. “Leave me alone.” Andrew pulled with all his strength, trying to get Jeddin‘s feet to move. Nothing. Now a hand’s length from Jeddin‘s face, the wall of plasm closed in. In a moment it would engulf him and threaten Andrew and Leil. Andrew let go and retreated to join Leil. He’ll be all right. Let it go. Andrew sputtered, “What other choice is there?” The creature slowly passed around and through Jeddin like a filthy mist, consuming him, until the man’s pale skin showed only as a soft glow against a dark angular blob of coverall deep in the tissue shifting like clear hot wax. Andrew closed his eyes, turned his back, and pulled Leil away along the dim corridor, away from the huge malignant thing behind them, away past gaping blacknesses of voided chambers and corridors, away from the voice protesting inside him. No, no, don’t leave, he’s all right. I want to know what it is, who it is, it’s like me. “And it’s acting just like you, too, only worse. If only I could burn you out of me, I would, I’d get a beamer and I’d make myself a pile of ashes just to get you out of me. I don’t care any more.” Leil stumbled and fell on hands and knees, to look up at Andrew with eyes huge and hollow with agony and exhaustion. He stopped and stared at her. This young one staring up at him, grimacing in pain, was named Leil. Leil. His hand went to her shoulder. “Leil. Do you know me?” The air shuddered behind him; he looked back in apprehension. The creature, Onnashak, seemed to be holding still. Leil searched his face with her eyes. She looked down. “No. I thought you were Andrew. But it doesn’t matter now, not any more. Not any more. I was somebody else and then I burned and then I’m in this place, this hell where my name is still Leil but nothing works and things come in and out of me and my name is still Leil but that’s all.” She sat on the dead street in ash-gray light, tears spangling her coverall. Now her voice came soft and firm. “I want to die now, again, and not come back here.” A soft bass thrum came like a giant boulder rolling slowly nearer down a long slope of hard earth. Andrew looked up. Onnashak advanced. Suspended deep inside its plasm, a dark mass slowly rotated. Jeddin. Andrew took a deep breath. Here it was, at last. Leil had it right. He gathered her in his arms as the thing pushed its wall toward them. Deeper inside it, catching the filtered glow of the ceiling lamps, two other smeared clumps spread streamers beyond Jeddin‘s form. Probably dead. Turiosten said, I’m glad you’re being sensible. This is the best way. “Shut up. I’d like these last few moments for myself.” But you don’t understand— “SHUT UP.” Leil‘s warmth touched Andrew for a moment, and he closed his eyes and wished her to be his again, his wife and mother of his children and lover, wished until the hot stench of peppers and vomit and attar like green knives assailed him, wished until heat seized his clenching arms and his head and his legs and his body and swallowed him into sullen molten sleep.